i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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