do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
