WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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