Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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