can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
