I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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