Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
