I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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