I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
