Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
my sisters under your porch take her home
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
