It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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