But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
