We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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