Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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