So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
