I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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