I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
