you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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