JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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