so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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