You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
