It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
