we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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