Your tits are I can't wait for
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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