I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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