We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
