he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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