This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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