At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
