piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
