Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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