Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Even my vagina gasped.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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