Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
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Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
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I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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