dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
