Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
