I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
