I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
