I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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