So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
