And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
