the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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