Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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