I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
