took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
