Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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