we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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