I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Randomize
