I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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