my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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