i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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