turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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