woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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