we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
