Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
