If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
