my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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