If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
