I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
