I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
