'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
