There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
