i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
