Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
