He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
