dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
