I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
