do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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