I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
