My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
