she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
