it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
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we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
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getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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